Don't Let Me Go

"For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand.  I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith..." (2 Timothy 4:6-7)

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Sanibonani!

I'm being haunted by myself.

I wrote a song earlier this year relating to my experience as a missionary.  It's no masterpiece by any means, but it conveys a lot of what a missionary may feel in their missionary service.  I wrote the last verse and chorus long before the end of my mission, but I'm getting the shivers at the thought of its fulfillment.

Here's the song (last verse and chorus underlined): 

Don't Let Me Go

There's a place out there that's meant for me.

I got an envelope in the mail,

Just can't wait to see

Where I'm going. Excitement is growing.

Packing up my suitcase, Saying goodbye

To the world I know and the family I love.

I just might cry,

But I know where I'm going.

Oh, just let me go!

There's a whole new world that I need to know.

Please, don't let me stay.

I'll be back again someday

When I'm coming home.

I hope that they don't see it on my face.

It's a different world and I just feel so out of place.

My energy's thinned.

This day's just ruined.

I look at a picture of my Mom and Dad.

I get on my knees and say a prayer; I feel so bad

And I feel so ashamed.

But there's promises I've made.

Oh, don't let me go!

There's a work out here that I still need to know.

Please, just let me stay.

I'll get better every day

Before I go home.

Packing up my suitcase; time to go.

Each month has flown and I feel I've grown.

The race is won;

My mission is done.

I'm sitting in a jet plane flying high,

But I feel so low as I climb up in the sky.

Tears are streaming

Because I'm leaving.

Oh, don't let me go!

There's so many people that I've loved and I've known

Please, please let me stay!

I'll be back again someday

But I'm going home.

In the past few days I've been repeatedly asking myself 'Am I already done?  Am I really going home this week?'.  It's a nice thought reuniting with the family and friends, enjoying snow, and saving the shirt and tie for Sundays.  Yet, at the same time, it's a terrible feeling to imagine a world without my family and friends in Africa; without pop and chicken; without Zulu, Tswana, siSwathi, etc; without the scorching African sun; and without the absolute honor of serving my Savior full-time.

It's a fact that I'm leaving a home to return home.  I won't be able to repay my Lord Jesus Christ for this sacred and special opportunity to serve the people of South Africa.  In these 24 months I feel that I've grown and developed into something more through His abounding grace.

Like the second verse of Don't Let Me Go describes, there were tough times.  Intestinal parasites, multiple robberies, deaths of loved friends; all of these have been ninety degree curveballs that I've swung at and have missed.  Luckily for me and for us all, there's no such thing as striking out in the gospel.  It's not so much about how many times we fall, but how many times we get back up.  Here are some of my favorite words from President Uchtdorf that have given me much encouragement that I hope will bless you in some way:

"It’s human nature to stumble, fail, and sometimes want to drop out of the race. But as disciples of Jesus Christ, we have committed not only to begin the race but also to finish it—and finish it with our torch still burning brightly. The Savior promised His disciples, “He that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved” (Matthew 24:13).

"Sometimes after stumbling, failing, or even giving up, we get discouraged and believe our light has gone out and our race is lost. But I testify that the Light of Christ cannot be extinguished. It shines in the darkest night and will relight our hearts if only we incline our hearts to Him (see 1 Kings 8:58).

"No matter how often or how far we fall, the Light of Christ ever burns brightly. And even in the deepest night, if we but step toward Him, His light will consume the shadows and reignite our souls.

"This race of discipleship is not a sprint; it’s a marathon. And it makes little difference how fast we go. In fact, the only way we can lose the race is by finally giving in or giving up.

"As long as we continue to rise up and move toward our Savior, we win the race with our torches burning brightly."

I express my immense gratitude to those who have continually encouraged me to finish my mission despite the curveballs, to those who have written online and in letter, to those who are fellow servants in Christ, to my God and my Savior.  Your love and your support have been invaluable and I am eternally in your debt.

I'll likely write a final post next week after my homecoming talk and jam session.  I wish to see all of you there as you are able to attend (more info to come).  I'm excited to reunite with you and to catch up.  May the Lord bless you all!

Ngiyakuthanda kakhulu!!!

SALE KAHLE!